My ID: upper middle class white girl who grew up in a suburb of Minneapolis in the 60s; my high school graduating class of over 500 had one black young man (son of a member of the local NFL team) and one Asian young woman. When I went to grad school in Seattle, one of my classmates from Hawaii shamed me for not being able to tell those of Chinese descent apart from those of Japanese descent, or Filipino, or Korean. Sorry, that was not provided in my tool box! But I was willing to add it.
How can I ask the question about heritage so that I communicate that I am genuinely curious and want to celebrate diversity and the stories/journeys that bring us to sharing this place together? I am not Native American; my ancestors have an immigration story too.
I can't tell you how to ask that question. There isn't one right way to do it, and what might be appropriate in one context might not be wise in another. All I can suggest is to get to know someone organically, and if you show genuine curiosity about various aspects of that person's life, it will inevitably come up.
Jeff, I love you for being you (every day!) and being transparent about your feelings and sharing such a wealth of information! May God bless your efforts to help us all to better respect each other and share God’s abundant love. 🙏💞🙏
This is beautiful. Part of why I read and follow you is because of the way you articulate the particularities of your own unique experiences and culture. I learn a lot from how you talk about the intersection of your faith and identity. If my faith is gonna be alive, I need your voice and other voices that aren’t saying the exact same things I have heard my whole life. So this straight white Oklahoman lady thinks those editors can shove it. 😘
Jeff, I hope I can give you some encouragement about being seen and accepted. I have kids in high school and maybe it's because we live in a pretty liberal town but I don't think that's it-most of the kids seem to really accept each other and love learning about each other's backgrounds. It's not to say that there aren't tensions sometimes but this GenZ gives me so much hope. Perhaps because they grew up with social media (which can be terrible) but they are so much more accepting of differences than any generation I've seen in my lifetime. (I'm an older GenXer and I'm Cuban American and understand how crappy it is to be lumped into one big group. We do get Hispanic Heritage Month but depending on what country you come from, we can be vastly different.) It is not a consolation but I deeply believe that the rise in hate crimes is a direct result of people who are afraid of the change that is happening in our country and for the most part, it is really GOOD change! My teens and their friends are not afraid of people of different ethnicities, races, etc. My mother who is 95 years old and grew up in very different times has been in awe of my kids' friends groups. She says it looks like the United Nations when they are all together--and it's Beautiful!
I do think the next generations will have a different way of encountering and embracing difference and diversity. Even though they undoubtedly face their own challenges—some of which, as you note, are related to growing up in the age of social media—I am definitely encouraged by the openness I see.
Sending love and encouragement Jeff. I appreciate your transparentness and value your unique voice. Please keep showing up as your full self, it is a gift to us.
Thank you sharing so openly and deeply. I feel so much of this myself. Being much older than you, I’m from a generation of immigrant children who were told to stay quiet and make yourself to blend in. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to. Finding a place of true belonging has been difficult. I applaud the more recent American born immigrants who refuse to trim off parts of themselves in order to fit and that the country is becoming, for the most part, a less narrow space.
I was born and raised in Vancouver, Canada. I also cringe inwardly, and sometimes outwardly when people ask me, "Where are you from?" I am also discouraged by the use of hyphenated nationalities i.e. Chinese-Canadian, Indo-Canadian, etc. These terms tend to be used for those who are people of colour. People don't typically say Irish Canadian or German Canadian. It makes me feel like I'm not fully Canadian and that there is a filter of "doesn't quite belong" in front of my Canadianism. Why can't I just be Canadian? If need be, can I be Canadian with Chinese heritage? That at least allows me to be fully Canadian, with a mention of my family of origin story. As all of us, except for indigenous peoples, have an immigration story.
Here in Canada, we don't have an Asian Heritage month, as far as I know. I agree with Jeff that an Asian Heritage month would make me feel even more like I don't belong. Belonging and loving others does not mean that we need to highlight differences. I believe that belonging and loving others is founded on the acceptance of the person wholly for who they are and the gift of their uniqueness as a person. It definitely is easier said than done.
Susan, after reading your comment, I wanted to see if Canada has an Asian Heritage Month and in fact it does: May is also Asian Heritage Month north of the border. I did not know!
As I was processing your response, I also remembered some encounters from my times in Hong Kong, when folks have diminished my Chineseness—perhaps because my Cantonese vocabulary is essentially that of a schoolkid, perhaps because I can never quite keep up with the latest in slang or pop culture... And I recalled a wise person once telling me that, despite the dodgy math, I can simultaneously be 100% American and 100% Chinese. There is no one right way to be either of these identities, and we don't have to—and shouldn't—operate as if one identity detracts from the other. We can be fully whatever we are. I found some comfort in that, even as I continue to try to live it out.
Thanks for sharing the wise yet dodgy math of identity. I guess clarifying a sense of identity is a complex process and different factors wax and wane over time. Mostly my comment refers to the seemingly need for others to define my identity as only Chinese or mostly Chinese as this is the prefix attached to my Canadianness. It's funny because when we travel in Europe, and people ask me where I'm from, they seem to accept when I say Canada. They don't ask, "Where are you really from." Is this a Canada/US thing?
The lines you quoted about grief from being ignorant and not being able to love without knowing really struck me today. I have been reading, “How To Hide An Empire,” by Daniel Immerwahr. I am appalled at my own ignorance, and grieve all that I am learning about ways the white majority has treated others in its actions and inactions in the world. I appreciate your thoughts and perspective, and look forward to their arrival in my inbox each week.
My sister married a Japanese American and over these many years I have come to learn about how his family was incarcerated, the huge sacrifice of family wealth, the bitterness of bigotry, the service of that generation in the US military, the achievements of cousins and the courage of each generation to continue to expand the family. One of my brother in law's aunties wrote a book of her experiences that is still read in elementary and secondary classrooms and she has made it a personal mission to speak to civic groups, schools, and at events about disenfranchisement, the effects of prejudice and incarceration, and of enduring hope for a better America. She just turned 100 and remains vital and engaged in our community. Her extended family has contributed to agriculture, health care, science, journalism, arts, history, and community activism. My world view has been expanded by their company and their life lessons.
And I dont wait until May rolls around to tell them of my gratitude.
Yes yes yes to gratitude and grief and holding both at once. You deserve so much better than the world we have, friend. So grateful for you and holding the grief (and frustration and anger and all the layers and complexities) with you.
I have made your fried rice recipe and I enjoy the openness of the recipe. It is whatever you have, unique each time.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
I appreciate you sharing this!
These words you share will give me much to think about and the next time I attempt fried rice perhaps I’ll send a picture.
Thank you.
I love that line about creating your own belonging. There's something very powerful in that - thank you.
Thank you.
Loretta
My ID: upper middle class white girl who grew up in a suburb of Minneapolis in the 60s; my high school graduating class of over 500 had one black young man (son of a member of the local NFL team) and one Asian young woman. When I went to grad school in Seattle, one of my classmates from Hawaii shamed me for not being able to tell those of Chinese descent apart from those of Japanese descent, or Filipino, or Korean. Sorry, that was not provided in my tool box! But I was willing to add it.
How can I ask the question about heritage so that I communicate that I am genuinely curious and want to celebrate diversity and the stories/journeys that bring us to sharing this place together? I am not Native American; my ancestors have an immigration story too.
I can't tell you how to ask that question. There isn't one right way to do it, and what might be appropriate in one context might not be wise in another. All I can suggest is to get to know someone organically, and if you show genuine curiosity about various aspects of that person's life, it will inevitably come up.
Jeff, I love you for being you (every day!) and being transparent about your feelings and sharing such a wealth of information! May God bless your efforts to help us all to better respect each other and share God’s abundant love. 🙏💞🙏
This is beautiful. Part of why I read and follow you is because of the way you articulate the particularities of your own unique experiences and culture. I learn a lot from how you talk about the intersection of your faith and identity. If my faith is gonna be alive, I need your voice and other voices that aren’t saying the exact same things I have heard my whole life. So this straight white Oklahoman lady thinks those editors can shove it. 😘
I agree with this post wholeheartedly!
Jeff, I hope I can give you some encouragement about being seen and accepted. I have kids in high school and maybe it's because we live in a pretty liberal town but I don't think that's it-most of the kids seem to really accept each other and love learning about each other's backgrounds. It's not to say that there aren't tensions sometimes but this GenZ gives me so much hope. Perhaps because they grew up with social media (which can be terrible) but they are so much more accepting of differences than any generation I've seen in my lifetime. (I'm an older GenXer and I'm Cuban American and understand how crappy it is to be lumped into one big group. We do get Hispanic Heritage Month but depending on what country you come from, we can be vastly different.) It is not a consolation but I deeply believe that the rise in hate crimes is a direct result of people who are afraid of the change that is happening in our country and for the most part, it is really GOOD change! My teens and their friends are not afraid of people of different ethnicities, races, etc. My mother who is 95 years old and grew up in very different times has been in awe of my kids' friends groups. She says it looks like the United Nations when they are all together--and it's Beautiful!
I do think the next generations will have a different way of encountering and embracing difference and diversity. Even though they undoubtedly face their own challenges—some of which, as you note, are related to growing up in the age of social media—I am definitely encouraged by the openness I see.
Sending love and encouragement Jeff. I appreciate your transparentness and value your unique voice. Please keep showing up as your full self, it is a gift to us.
Thank you sharing so openly and deeply. I feel so much of this myself. Being much older than you, I’m from a generation of immigrant children who were told to stay quiet and make yourself to blend in. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to. Finding a place of true belonging has been difficult. I applaud the more recent American born immigrants who refuse to trim off parts of themselves in order to fit and that the country is becoming, for the most part, a less narrow space.
I was born and raised in Vancouver, Canada. I also cringe inwardly, and sometimes outwardly when people ask me, "Where are you from?" I am also discouraged by the use of hyphenated nationalities i.e. Chinese-Canadian, Indo-Canadian, etc. These terms tend to be used for those who are people of colour. People don't typically say Irish Canadian or German Canadian. It makes me feel like I'm not fully Canadian and that there is a filter of "doesn't quite belong" in front of my Canadianism. Why can't I just be Canadian? If need be, can I be Canadian with Chinese heritage? That at least allows me to be fully Canadian, with a mention of my family of origin story. As all of us, except for indigenous peoples, have an immigration story.
Here in Canada, we don't have an Asian Heritage month, as far as I know. I agree with Jeff that an Asian Heritage month would make me feel even more like I don't belong. Belonging and loving others does not mean that we need to highlight differences. I believe that belonging and loving others is founded on the acceptance of the person wholly for who they are and the gift of their uniqueness as a person. It definitely is easier said than done.
Susan, after reading your comment, I wanted to see if Canada has an Asian Heritage Month and in fact it does: May is also Asian Heritage Month north of the border. I did not know!
As I was processing your response, I also remembered some encounters from my times in Hong Kong, when folks have diminished my Chineseness—perhaps because my Cantonese vocabulary is essentially that of a schoolkid, perhaps because I can never quite keep up with the latest in slang or pop culture... And I recalled a wise person once telling me that, despite the dodgy math, I can simultaneously be 100% American and 100% Chinese. There is no one right way to be either of these identities, and we don't have to—and shouldn't—operate as if one identity detracts from the other. We can be fully whatever we are. I found some comfort in that, even as I continue to try to live it out.
Thanks for sharing the wise yet dodgy math of identity. I guess clarifying a sense of identity is a complex process and different factors wax and wane over time. Mostly my comment refers to the seemingly need for others to define my identity as only Chinese or mostly Chinese as this is the prefix attached to my Canadianness. It's funny because when we travel in Europe, and people ask me where I'm from, they seem to accept when I say Canada. They don't ask, "Where are you really from." Is this a Canada/US thing?
The lines you quoted about grief from being ignorant and not being able to love without knowing really struck me today. I have been reading, “How To Hide An Empire,” by Daniel Immerwahr. I am appalled at my own ignorance, and grieve all that I am learning about ways the white majority has treated others in its actions and inactions in the world. I appreciate your thoughts and perspective, and look forward to their arrival in my inbox each week.
My sister married a Japanese American and over these many years I have come to learn about how his family was incarcerated, the huge sacrifice of family wealth, the bitterness of bigotry, the service of that generation in the US military, the achievements of cousins and the courage of each generation to continue to expand the family. One of my brother in law's aunties wrote a book of her experiences that is still read in elementary and secondary classrooms and she has made it a personal mission to speak to civic groups, schools, and at events about disenfranchisement, the effects of prejudice and incarceration, and of enduring hope for a better America. She just turned 100 and remains vital and engaged in our community. Her extended family has contributed to agriculture, health care, science, journalism, arts, history, and community activism. My world view has been expanded by their company and their life lessons.
And I dont wait until May rolls around to tell them of my gratitude.
I wish that, at 100, that elder did not have to do this kind of labor. She deserves to rest.
Yes yes yes to gratitude and grief and holding both at once. You deserve so much better than the world we have, friend. So grateful for you and holding the grief (and frustration and anger and all the layers and complexities) with you.
Thank you for sharing!
I feel strongly that frozen peas and carrots are only acceptable in HK Macaroni in soup with ham. or spam, even better.
I loved: "i create my own belonging". thanks for sharing what you're thinking!
Give me my macaroni soup with a grilled piece of spam and a fried egg, please and thank you!