Spot on. And I like that you get to the wound underneath the mockery and derision. To rest (and heal) in our belovedness gives us the buffer we need to not lash out at or write off those that land on the other side of an issue. There is so much pain at the heart of all the anger blasting away. Thanks for your wisdom and example in how to grow in love in the midst of all the hurt and anger.
Our garden. Well. I gave up on vegetables finally. It just wasn't producing. But the flowers are going nuts, and it is so beautiful! The pollinators are feasting and we are dumbstruck every time we walk out the front door. Replacing our lawn was the best thing we have ever done with our yard.
This Enneagram 9 is giving you a standing ovation (while also giving myself side-eye for that "hilarious" meme I shared recently that probably falls into the mockery category). I actually don't understand how to cut someone out of my life. What would that even look like? And I definitely have family members who are polar opposites of me. We each think the other is on the road to hell (slight exaggeration). I still love them. I'll even talk about politics with them. And then we'll eat turkey together.
Thank you, Jeff! I never tire of you writing about love. I was deprived of being well loved in those early years, and am now the recipient of being loved so well and what a beautiful gift.
“We talk such a big game about not dehumanizing, not marginalizing, about being on the side of love. Is full humanity available only to those who think the right way? Are new margins acceptable as long as we’re now no longer in them? Is the love we claim only for the folks we agree with?”
Thank you for sharing Yiyun Li's essay. Putting her quote in context helped see where she was coming from. I can only speak for myself, but I know that I used to conflate love with control. If I loved someone enough, I could heal them or change them or fix their lives. As I have gotten much older I have noticed two things about love; it is about being with a person as they are and allowing myself to see the beauty in them as they are in that moment, and that love is a deeply mysterious. I cannot always see how my loving a person affects them, but I certainly know how someone loving me sustains me. Thank you so much for this! Peace.
Ah, irreplaceable mothers who love us as well as they know how. I sometimes find it helpful to recognize ways in which mine isn't loving me well while still holding that she is loving me the only way she knows how. And there are always people who think that is not enough or too much.
I love this whole essay so much! You are calling us to higher ground, and I bless it and affirm it totally! Thank you for your words and your heart coming through in every post!!
Oh, Jeff. Thank you for naming where I am. There are way too many words to express how this nails it for me, so let a wholehearted “YES” suffice. And may your garden flourish next year.
This was such a great read. I've (almost) completely stepped away from social media because of mockery - though I've never been able to identify and articulate it so clearly.
(Felt at some deep level before it's mentally understood)
Thank you for writing, and sharing your life with so many strangers. It is a gift to so many.
Love may not be enough to save an individual life, but it is the only way to save a people, a nation a planet. As humans we hope to do the best we can at love, but being human that best will inevitably be imperfect. Only God can love perfectly.
I spring from a religion (Mormonism) which teaches and practices a conditional form of love (which I do not consider real love at all, but that's another discussion). When I left that religion of several generations of my ancestors, my brilliant and brilliantly educated, religiously and politically conservative, father could not reconcile with my decision.
Because of my own beliefs and desire to live by my convictions, I came to accept his lack of acceptance and loved him, not in spite of his beliefs, but with those beliefs. I believe we can't separate the beliefs from the person, because we are shaped by our beliefs. My father loved me to the best of his belief-shaped ability, and I loved him from mine. I loved him as he was--what I wish he had been able to give me in return--which gave me a deeper sense of peace that I think I could have found no other way.
My book club met today after reading the book called Homegoing. (an amazing book) It very directly asked a similar question about who gets to decide history? We must consider the background knowledge and context of those who lived through a situation. The vantage point decides the teller's/authors account. Is it possible that more than one viewpoint is worthy of consideration? Of course. I just shared your paragraph with my group. Thank you for bringing hopefulness into the equation.
Thank you Jeff, I love your heart, and how it translates into “kindness”
Spot on. And I like that you get to the wound underneath the mockery and derision. To rest (and heal) in our belovedness gives us the buffer we need to not lash out at or write off those that land on the other side of an issue. There is so much pain at the heart of all the anger blasting away. Thanks for your wisdom and example in how to grow in love in the midst of all the hurt and anger.
Our garden. Well. I gave up on vegetables finally. It just wasn't producing. But the flowers are going nuts, and it is so beautiful! The pollinators are feasting and we are dumbstruck every time we walk out the front door. Replacing our lawn was the best thing we have ever done with our yard.
This Enneagram 9 is giving you a standing ovation (while also giving myself side-eye for that "hilarious" meme I shared recently that probably falls into the mockery category). I actually don't understand how to cut someone out of my life. What would that even look like? And I definitely have family members who are polar opposites of me. We each think the other is on the road to hell (slight exaggeration). I still love them. I'll even talk about politics with them. And then we'll eat turkey together.
Thank you, Jeff! I never tire of you writing about love. I was deprived of being well loved in those early years, and am now the recipient of being loved so well and what a beautiful gift.
“We talk such a big game about not dehumanizing, not marginalizing, about being on the side of love. Is full humanity available only to those who think the right way? Are new margins acceptable as long as we’re now no longer in them? Is the love we claim only for the folks we agree with?”
Thank you, Jeff ❤️
Thank you for sharing Yiyun Li's essay. Putting her quote in context helped see where she was coming from. I can only speak for myself, but I know that I used to conflate love with control. If I loved someone enough, I could heal them or change them or fix their lives. As I have gotten much older I have noticed two things about love; it is about being with a person as they are and allowing myself to see the beauty in them as they are in that moment, and that love is a deeply mysterious. I cannot always see how my loving a person affects them, but I certainly know how someone loving me sustains me. Thank you so much for this! Peace.
Yes!! Thank you for these words. You have pinpointed something I couldn’t quite name.
OMG this: “My mom loves me as well as she can,...” I feel and can relate to her on so many levels!
Ah, irreplaceable mothers who love us as well as they know how. I sometimes find it helpful to recognize ways in which mine isn't loving me well while still holding that she is loving me the only way she knows how. And there are always people who think that is not enough or too much.
Thank you for articulating this all so perfectly, Jeff.
I love this whole essay so much! You are calling us to higher ground, and I bless it and affirm it totally! Thank you for your words and your heart coming through in every post!!
Oh, Jeff. Thank you for naming where I am. There are way too many words to express how this nails it for me, so let a wholehearted “YES” suffice. And may your garden flourish next year.
This was such a great read. I've (almost) completely stepped away from social media because of mockery - though I've never been able to identify and articulate it so clearly.
(Felt at some deep level before it's mentally understood)
Thank you for writing, and sharing your life with so many strangers. It is a gift to so many.
ohmygoodness I love stumbling alongside you Jeff. Fozzie too. xo
Love may not be enough to save an individual life, but it is the only way to save a people, a nation a planet. As humans we hope to do the best we can at love, but being human that best will inevitably be imperfect. Only God can love perfectly.
I spring from a religion (Mormonism) which teaches and practices a conditional form of love (which I do not consider real love at all, but that's another discussion). When I left that religion of several generations of my ancestors, my brilliant and brilliantly educated, religiously and politically conservative, father could not reconcile with my decision.
Because of my own beliefs and desire to live by my convictions, I came to accept his lack of acceptance and loved him, not in spite of his beliefs, but with those beliefs. I believe we can't separate the beliefs from the person, because we are shaped by our beliefs. My father loved me to the best of his belief-shaped ability, and I loved him from mine. I loved him as he was--what I wish he had been able to give me in return--which gave me a deeper sense of peace that I think I could have found no other way.
My book club met today after reading the book called Homegoing. (an amazing book) It very directly asked a similar question about who gets to decide history? We must consider the background knowledge and context of those who lived through a situation. The vantage point decides the teller's/authors account. Is it possible that more than one viewpoint is worthy of consideration? Of course. I just shared your paragraph with my group. Thank you for bringing hopefulness into the equation.