Jeff I really enjoy your reflections. While I find myself not as stretched out and beaten down by the pandemic as it sometimes sounds like you are (for instance I don't feel like Lent 2020 never ended...), you always have words and thoughts that help me think about what it means for me to follow Jesus and how to reflect the grace that I receive everyday outward...obviously hard to do with so much time spent at home. But I am also reminded of how important it is to see the grace that God is working in my life and that I have to look for it; otherwise I could very well miss it, which I'm sure I do more often than not. Anyway, I am also blessed by your sharing of food and music and so thanks too for opening up to us those parts of your life. Breaking bread and listening to music...what more could anyone ask for?!
I appreciate your thoughtful and self-aware reflections. I do feel like Lent 2020 has stretched into Lent 2021. It has been a hard year of grieving parts of my marriage, parenting and homeschooling my nuerodiverse kids while caring for my own neurodivergence, and all the COVID, racial, social, and political things.
I have struggled with using food for .....(fill in the blank); literally everything. In the past, whenever I would hear a sermon or read something about fasting, my mind would immediately rationalize and say, "you don't need to fast from food. You can choose anything else to fast from." And that is what I'd do. Just like you mentioned, I would give up something minor or small and yet, still have a feast before me. Two weeks ago, I was reading once again about fasting. My mind went to it's instant argument that I can fast from other things than food and then I heard that still small voice that said, "If you immediately fight against fasting from food, don't you think that may be exactly what you need to fast from?" With absolute fear and trepidation, I prayed that God would give me the strength to fast from food from that point until dinner time. What it meant was that I would fast from lunch. That may still seem minor. But, as food has been my "go-to" for everything, "lunch" for me had turned into an hours long binge fest as I have been pretty much self isolating through the pandemic. My husband is at work all day and I am home, alone. I honestly didn't think I could do it. I was so afraid that I would fail that, honestly, I basically prayed most of the day. It was ground breaking in my life. The hold that food had come to have over my life was broken, and I am praying and hoping that it is broken forever.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I will hope and pray with you that God might continue to feel near and present to you, walking with you through whatever comes tomorrow and the day after that.
It's been a year of so much change. My youngest graduated HS in 2020 although there was no ceremony, no celebration, nothing significant to being closure to this era of my life. Follow that with my mom dying of cancer. She was a hoarder and I was tasked with being the executor. Every old bank checkbook had to be followed up with to see if the account was still open. Some were & some were not. Same with stocks, life insurance & so much more. There was paperwork & belongings from grandparents and other dead relatives...26 years long passed. I'm still sifting and calling and verifying. All that with covid, being out of state, my daughter moving, and my husband & 2 sons moving into a new home that needed many more repairs than we first knew. Oh did I mention that same 18 yo son had his truck catch fire while driving and it completely burned out. Such a symbolic way to end 2020. My husband has been working from home which means little quiet and alone time. Thankfully we do have a a gorgeous country setting and the sun shines and it is warm enough to walk and sit and watch the birds and be still. That is what is keeping me going. I sit and listen and I don't know what I believe about a suffering or resurrected Jesus anymore. But I do know there is something bigger than me and we are all connected and loving is the only way any of us can move forward. So I sit, pause and eventually I get up & take the next step.
I have enjoyed our Wednesday evening worship services online. We have a brief Holden Evening Prayer worship virtually, then a passage from Marks gospel and then a pre-recorded skit/drama on real authentic issues (so far, mental health, soldier transitioning to civilian life, being isolated during Covid). The skits are recorded in different places around our community, with birds chirping, ambulance sirens going, horns honking etc. it’s real life stuff happening in real life. Then the skit is followed by direct reflection questions to ponder. While at home, we watch this as a family and have some serious convos about it thorough the lens of Jesus. While it may not be reverent or worship filled, we end up pausing the online worship and just talking as a family. Jesus is right there with us as we talk, cry, struggle, discern. And I don’t feel guilty that I don’t finish the worship virtually; bc this type of bonding with one another and Jesus over real stuff we are all dealing with IS worship. This is stepping back and slowing down for us. THIS is what fuels me as a mother wife and student of Jesus. I wonder how we might retain this type of worship post-Covid?
I grew up Catholic and we didn't eat meat on Friday's during Lent. I wanted to do that but with Covid my days got blurred together. Twice on Friday I thought it was Thursday. I’ll have to put an alert on my phone to be successful. I want to do it out of tradition and the memories of being together with all my siblings around the table. I feels more positive to me. Im focused on putting something in rather than taking something out. I want to put in a small plug . Many Catholic churches have a fish fry on Fridays during Lent. Its a take out. The ones that do usually have a sign outside the church that will tell you what kind of fish they offer, mostly perch but not always. The closest ones to you Jeff, would be St Isadore on Diamond. I like when you write something about Tristan in your newsletter. It adds a touch of intimacy.
Jeff I really enjoy your reflections. While I find myself not as stretched out and beaten down by the pandemic as it sometimes sounds like you are (for instance I don't feel like Lent 2020 never ended...), you always have words and thoughts that help me think about what it means for me to follow Jesus and how to reflect the grace that I receive everyday outward...obviously hard to do with so much time spent at home. But I am also reminded of how important it is to see the grace that God is working in my life and that I have to look for it; otherwise I could very well miss it, which I'm sure I do more often than not. Anyway, I am also blessed by your sharing of food and music and so thanks too for opening up to us those parts of your life. Breaking bread and listening to music...what more could anyone ask for?!
I appreciate your thoughtful and self-aware reflections. I do feel like Lent 2020 has stretched into Lent 2021. It has been a hard year of grieving parts of my marriage, parenting and homeschooling my nuerodiverse kids while caring for my own neurodivergence, and all the COVID, racial, social, and political things.
May you be met in your grief and in the demands of each day by resilience and by hope and by the heart knowledge that you aren't alone in this.
I have struggled with using food for .....(fill in the blank); literally everything. In the past, whenever I would hear a sermon or read something about fasting, my mind would immediately rationalize and say, "you don't need to fast from food. You can choose anything else to fast from." And that is what I'd do. Just like you mentioned, I would give up something minor or small and yet, still have a feast before me. Two weeks ago, I was reading once again about fasting. My mind went to it's instant argument that I can fast from other things than food and then I heard that still small voice that said, "If you immediately fight against fasting from food, don't you think that may be exactly what you need to fast from?" With absolute fear and trepidation, I prayed that God would give me the strength to fast from food from that point until dinner time. What it meant was that I would fast from lunch. That may still seem minor. But, as food has been my "go-to" for everything, "lunch" for me had turned into an hours long binge fest as I have been pretty much self isolating through the pandemic. My husband is at work all day and I am home, alone. I honestly didn't think I could do it. I was so afraid that I would fail that, honestly, I basically prayed most of the day. It was ground breaking in my life. The hold that food had come to have over my life was broken, and I am praying and hoping that it is broken forever.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I will hope and pray with you that God might continue to feel near and present to you, walking with you through whatever comes tomorrow and the day after that.
It's been a year of so much change. My youngest graduated HS in 2020 although there was no ceremony, no celebration, nothing significant to being closure to this era of my life. Follow that with my mom dying of cancer. She was a hoarder and I was tasked with being the executor. Every old bank checkbook had to be followed up with to see if the account was still open. Some were & some were not. Same with stocks, life insurance & so much more. There was paperwork & belongings from grandparents and other dead relatives...26 years long passed. I'm still sifting and calling and verifying. All that with covid, being out of state, my daughter moving, and my husband & 2 sons moving into a new home that needed many more repairs than we first knew. Oh did I mention that same 18 yo son had his truck catch fire while driving and it completely burned out. Such a symbolic way to end 2020. My husband has been working from home which means little quiet and alone time. Thankfully we do have a a gorgeous country setting and the sun shines and it is warm enough to walk and sit and watch the birds and be still. That is what is keeping me going. I sit and listen and I don't know what I believe about a suffering or resurrected Jesus anymore. But I do know there is something bigger than me and we are all connected and loving is the only way any of us can move forward. So I sit, pause and eventually I get up & take the next step.
I hope that, as you watch and listen, you'll feel a steadying presence in the way the sun keeps showing up and the birds keep singing.
Ok, this might be a silly question but HOW do you buy grains from the Tehachapi Grain Project?
It's not a silly question! They don't really have a full mail-order function yet, but I am told they are working on it.
I have enjoyed our Wednesday evening worship services online. We have a brief Holden Evening Prayer worship virtually, then a passage from Marks gospel and then a pre-recorded skit/drama on real authentic issues (so far, mental health, soldier transitioning to civilian life, being isolated during Covid). The skits are recorded in different places around our community, with birds chirping, ambulance sirens going, horns honking etc. it’s real life stuff happening in real life. Then the skit is followed by direct reflection questions to ponder. While at home, we watch this as a family and have some serious convos about it thorough the lens of Jesus. While it may not be reverent or worship filled, we end up pausing the online worship and just talking as a family. Jesus is right there with us as we talk, cry, struggle, discern. And I don’t feel guilty that I don’t finish the worship virtually; bc this type of bonding with one another and Jesus over real stuff we are all dealing with IS worship. This is stepping back and slowing down for us. THIS is what fuels me as a mother wife and student of Jesus. I wonder how we might retain this type of worship post-Covid?
I grew up Catholic and we didn't eat meat on Friday's during Lent. I wanted to do that but with Covid my days got blurred together. Twice on Friday I thought it was Thursday. I’ll have to put an alert on my phone to be successful. I want to do it out of tradition and the memories of being together with all my siblings around the table. I feels more positive to me. Im focused on putting something in rather than taking something out. I want to put in a small plug . Many Catholic churches have a fish fry on Fridays during Lent. Its a take out. The ones that do usually have a sign outside the church that will tell you what kind of fish they offer, mostly perch but not always. The closest ones to you Jeff, would be St Isadore on Diamond. I like when you write something about Tristan in your newsletter. It adds a touch of intimacy.