I loved how you emphasized that idea of paying attention instead of striving to get attention. My fiancé and I just recently got engaged. In May, I’ll be moving to Finland (my fiancé’s home country). To be honest, since my fiancé will be the sole financial provider at least at first and I’m kind of stepping down from everything here to have a new beginning there, I’ve been worried about how I will establish this sense of being valued by the community. I’m struggling with thoughts and fears that my fiancé’s skills are valued in the community, but mine might not be. There’s this longing to be valued and to be known as more than just “his American wife”. Anyways, reading your writing was a good reminder that it’s ok to just quietly observe for a while, that learning about the people can help me discover how to love and relate to them.
From an occasionally lazy but often not, Susan, I have preferred to call that brilliant, ease filled solution of a device an “efficient Susan” for a while now! (And I ALWAYS let people know when they call it lazy!) 😆
Your comments about taking time and space for observation, which requires us to put aside or ego which wants to be seen and heard really resonated with me.
I’ve just started a master’s program in Executive Coaching & Consulting. I have to learn how to ask questions and make observations with coachees and not offer solutions and advice. That is a big area of growth for me, as giving advice is so much easier than patient listening. Your words, “taking time and space” help me understand that it’s not about being wiser or more self-disciplined (though those come into play), it’s about giving the other person the time and space to “be.” What a gift I can give before even making an observation.
“So much of observation is a matter of taking time and making space. You hold something back (say, your voice, your commentary, your longing to be seen or heard) so that something else can take precedence (your awareness of others, your ability to notice what’s going on both in them and in yourself, your work to recognize patterns of behavior). The world rushes about. So many people try to say the smart or interesting thing. They clamor for attention. “. As a wallflower introvert, this really lands--even a shy person can have a strong internal desire to assert and gain attention--at least I do. Thank you for all your words today!
The world feels more cohesive, even cozier, when a writer, whose musings I look forward to (you) references another favorite writer (Renkl), whose columns have sustained and nurtured me, especially her recent one about the promise of Spring.
As a fellow writer (and former, very short-lived journalist) I resonate so deeply with your comments about observation. I wasn’t raised in a culture where being quiet was expected or praised - in fact, in my family, you have to be pretty loud to get your voice heard. But that was never my natural state of being and always uncomfortable for me. I love watching people, wondering why they do or say particular things in particular moments, and pulling those observations together to better understand them. I also have an extraordinarily difficult time slowing down (my thoughts, my steps, my life), but I find that external reminders help. For me, walks, meditation, and taking care of my niblings help me refocus. I watched my 1 year old niece yesterday, and just let myself take in her exploration of her world and her deep sense of wonder. It’s a good reminder that small miracles really do exist everywhere. Thank you for this and all your thoughtful observations. (As an aside, I wanted to say I’m so deeply sorry for your loss and so appreciative that you shared a bit about Ashie.)
I loved how you emphasized that idea of paying attention instead of striving to get attention. My fiancé and I just recently got engaged. In May, I’ll be moving to Finland (my fiancé’s home country). To be honest, since my fiancé will be the sole financial provider at least at first and I’m kind of stepping down from everything here to have a new beginning there, I’ve been worried about how I will establish this sense of being valued by the community. I’m struggling with thoughts and fears that my fiancé’s skills are valued in the community, but mine might not be. There’s this longing to be valued and to be known as more than just “his American wife”. Anyways, reading your writing was a good reminder that it’s ok to just quietly observe for a while, that learning about the people can help me discover how to love and relate to them.
From an occasionally lazy but often not, Susan, I have preferred to call that brilliant, ease filled solution of a device an “efficient Susan” for a while now! (And I ALWAYS let people know when they call it lazy!) 😆
Your comments about taking time and space for observation, which requires us to put aside or ego which wants to be seen and heard really resonated with me.
I’ve just started a master’s program in Executive Coaching & Consulting. I have to learn how to ask questions and make observations with coachees and not offer solutions and advice. That is a big area of growth for me, as giving advice is so much easier than patient listening. Your words, “taking time and space” help me understand that it’s not about being wiser or more self-disciplined (though those come into play), it’s about giving the other person the time and space to “be.” What a gift I can give before even making an observation.
“So much of observation is a matter of taking time and making space. You hold something back (say, your voice, your commentary, your longing to be seen or heard) so that something else can take precedence (your awareness of others, your ability to notice what’s going on both in them and in yourself, your work to recognize patterns of behavior). The world rushes about. So many people try to say the smart or interesting thing. They clamor for attention. “. As a wallflower introvert, this really lands--even a shy person can have a strong internal desire to assert and gain attention--at least I do. Thank you for all your words today!
Jeff, I greatly appreciate your gentleness and the value you place on just being - observing. Thank you. D
The world feels more cohesive, even cozier, when a writer, whose musings I look forward to (you) references another favorite writer (Renkl), whose columns have sustained and nurtured me, especially her recent one about the promise of Spring.
As a fellow writer (and former, very short-lived journalist) I resonate so deeply with your comments about observation. I wasn’t raised in a culture where being quiet was expected or praised - in fact, in my family, you have to be pretty loud to get your voice heard. But that was never my natural state of being and always uncomfortable for me. I love watching people, wondering why they do or say particular things in particular moments, and pulling those observations together to better understand them. I also have an extraordinarily difficult time slowing down (my thoughts, my steps, my life), but I find that external reminders help. For me, walks, meditation, and taking care of my niblings help me refocus. I watched my 1 year old niece yesterday, and just let myself take in her exploration of her world and her deep sense of wonder. It’s a good reminder that small miracles really do exist everywhere. Thank you for this and all your thoughtful observations. (As an aside, I wanted to say I’m so deeply sorry for your loss and so appreciative that you shared a bit about Ashie.)