I am writing this reflection of the the Atlantic article as someone who has been living in NYC for the entire pandemic. Here are some disjointed thoughts.
How easy it is for me to reject the broad stroke that Matthew tries to paint me into. How often in my thoughts of those I disagree with they would also reject how I paint them.
How blessed is Matthew and his family to have had a time mostly unaffected by covid. To not have been the cause of someone’s death because of a wedding or birthday party or Bible study. Others did those same things and now 800,00 people are dead in the United States. As we have seen human connection is so vital I understand why people would take those risks even if they don’t see it as risky.
I feel so sad that Matthew has such little empathy for those to have lost so much more than him to this pandemic. I also must turn that critical eye to myself and question how often I have accepted my blessings without a thought to others unless it directly intersects with my life. As someone who has not lost any family how easy is it for me to know the numbers, but not process them as real people. For everyone who died was a child of God. Everyone who died was part of a community that now morns them. How expansive has our loss of human life been and yet dinner needs to be made, an email needs to be answered, the dog needs to be taken out; our lives still go on. Only God truly understands the loss, but let us try not to let our hearts be calluses over because we have heard the death counts so many times before.
What a lovely tribute to your parents. I also struggle with holding some intensely different perspectives from my family of origin. I think you're right- at the end of the day, I love them and they love me. We can find some commonality there.
Your words about your relationship with your parents "That my mother and my father have always had the best intentions and the highest hopes for me and for us. That in their own way, they have tried to be faithful, first to their God and then to their family. That, though we hold distinct convictions on some serious matters, we also share bonds that transcend our disagreements" gave me so much hope and grace about my own relationship with my parents. I feel so blessed to read your words and feel their comfort and hope and joy in this season of darkness. Thank you!
The same paragraph struck my heart... only I am the parent and one of my kids really struggles with how my convictions have changed. I pray daily that he will see the bonds that transcend our differences. He is living as I raised him and for that I regret much of what I taught and what I thought was truth. But... God's love encompasses us both. I pray that light will break through this season of darkness for you. thanks for sharing
It helps to hear this from the other perspective...thank you for commenting and sharing. I am so grateful to have God's love encompassing us through all the changes and differences. And I too pray that the light will break through. *hug*
As always, thank you, Jeff. I find myself saving your emails (and your sweet friend Sarah Bessey’s Field Notes) to read when I can really make time to savor every word. No distractions, just focus - because not only is your writing so lovely, but it is also so thoughtful and thought provoking that I often reread sections to let them sink in even more.
I hope you continue to glimpse joy in the days to come.
As a father and a son, I identify with your insight into the harms and hopes that parents gift to their offspring. The best intentions and the deepest wounds. You paint such a beautiful picture of familial love. Thank you!
I love the way you write, Jeff, you paint such a great picture of your family. I know that those relationships have been challenging for you at times, and yet, I truly felt your mother's love as you described her way of asking you about your eating, and providing you food. Also, then, I felt your love for your family as you took your mother's usual role of providing food and you chose to nourish your family, with food, yes, but also with your love. It was very touching.
“And may you find ways to embody for others the very same love that you long for.” That is so profoundly helpful. I stopped to ask myself, “What is it that YOU long for? What do you need in this season?”
Your mother lavished her love on you by her provision of the foods you love. I say often that making delicious food for friends and family is my “love language.” And this sentence you wrote inspires me to embody that love this holiday season, even in my weariness from too much food and too many parties and a work life that won’t quit. Thank you for the quiet reminder to stop and savor the beauty of imperfect and at times dysfunctional family relationships that bring such richness to life despite themselves. Thank you Jeff, and I hope you have a lovely Christmas!
I have not seen my parents for almost four years now. I am practically estranged from them, for reasons that had to do with protecting my boundaries and mental health. Recently, I said out loud to my partner that I missed them a lot for the first time. It was good to verbalize the tension I’ve been living in, and to explore what re-engagement might look like at the intersection of grace for them, for myself, and for my partner and kids. Thanks for words that help provide a glimpse into that.
I so appreciate your rich descriptions of your family and hard fought love you share. My family has been in a state of crisis for about a year and a half, with my younger sibling estranged from my parents and older sibling. I’m the only one in communication with everyone, and it’s felt so lonely and impossible. I long for the warmth of kindness and belonging again, and am encouraged toward hope by the tender gifts of care you describe. Maybe my family will get there again. I’m right there with sister Julian trying to find joy in the “shall” while muttering laments about our sin-sick souls. Depravity would be so much simpler without the stubborn truth that God seems unwilling to give up on us. I’d love prayer for my family, and hope it’s okay to extend my prayers for blessing and togetherness for yours as well.
I'm grateful for you, Jeff, and for your words spoken so kindly and intelligently that land in my inbox to brighten my day. I keep you, your family and all those impacted by COVID in my prayers today.
Thank you Jeff. I too read the Atlantic article you referenced, noting the author’s broad characterization of those concerned about transmitting COVID as belonging almost exclusively to the urban managerial upper middle class. I work a front desk job at GRCC and several of my coworkers are quite diligent about wearing masks and insisting that students who enter the building adhere to the mask policy posted on the doors. Hourly paid clerical workers at a community college do not qualify as upper middle class managerial types in my view, but there you go. Anyway, I am more than usually grateful not to suffer from an immunocompromised condition, which would truly make life more difficult and dangerous during this time. The myopic view that “if I am not in danger, then I can do what I want” is a source of real stress for some folks who ARE in need of protection from Covid.
I found his generalizations unhelpful. It's one thing to make observations about the close circles of community around you and entirely another to create these sweeping categories.
I am writing this reflection of the the Atlantic article as someone who has been living in NYC for the entire pandemic. Here are some disjointed thoughts.
How easy it is for me to reject the broad stroke that Matthew tries to paint me into. How often in my thoughts of those I disagree with they would also reject how I paint them.
How blessed is Matthew and his family to have had a time mostly unaffected by covid. To not have been the cause of someone’s death because of a wedding or birthday party or Bible study. Others did those same things and now 800,00 people are dead in the United States. As we have seen human connection is so vital I understand why people would take those risks even if they don’t see it as risky.
I feel so sad that Matthew has such little empathy for those to have lost so much more than him to this pandemic. I also must turn that critical eye to myself and question how often I have accepted my blessings without a thought to others unless it directly intersects with my life. As someone who has not lost any family how easy is it for me to know the numbers, but not process them as real people. For everyone who died was a child of God. Everyone who died was part of a community that now morns them. How expansive has our loss of human life been and yet dinner needs to be made, an email needs to be answered, the dog needs to be taken out; our lives still go on. Only God truly understands the loss, but let us try not to let our hearts be calluses over because we have heard the death counts so many times before.
What a lovely tribute to your parents. I also struggle with holding some intensely different perspectives from my family of origin. I think you're right- at the end of the day, I love them and they love me. We can find some commonality there.
Your words about your relationship with your parents "That my mother and my father have always had the best intentions and the highest hopes for me and for us. That in their own way, they have tried to be faithful, first to their God and then to their family. That, though we hold distinct convictions on some serious matters, we also share bonds that transcend our disagreements" gave me so much hope and grace about my own relationship with my parents. I feel so blessed to read your words and feel their comfort and hope and joy in this season of darkness. Thank you!
The same paragraph struck my heart... only I am the parent and one of my kids really struggles with how my convictions have changed. I pray daily that he will see the bonds that transcend our differences. He is living as I raised him and for that I regret much of what I taught and what I thought was truth. But... God's love encompasses us both. I pray that light will break through this season of darkness for you. thanks for sharing
It helps to hear this from the other perspective...thank you for commenting and sharing. I am so grateful to have God's love encompassing us through all the changes and differences. And I too pray that the light will break through. *hug*
As always, thank you, Jeff. I find myself saving your emails (and your sweet friend Sarah Bessey’s Field Notes) to read when I can really make time to savor every word. No distractions, just focus - because not only is your writing so lovely, but it is also so thoughtful and thought provoking that I often reread sections to let them sink in even more.
I hope you continue to glimpse joy in the days to come.
As a father and a son, I identify with your insight into the harms and hopes that parents gift to their offspring. The best intentions and the deepest wounds. You paint such a beautiful picture of familial love. Thank you!
I love the way you write, Jeff, you paint such a great picture of your family. I know that those relationships have been challenging for you at times, and yet, I truly felt your mother's love as you described her way of asking you about your eating, and providing you food. Also, then, I felt your love for your family as you took your mother's usual role of providing food and you chose to nourish your family, with food, yes, but also with your love. It was very touching.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and observations with all of us!
Thank you for these words.
“And may you find ways to embody for others the very same love that you long for.” That is so profoundly helpful. I stopped to ask myself, “What is it that YOU long for? What do you need in this season?”
Your mother lavished her love on you by her provision of the foods you love. I say often that making delicious food for friends and family is my “love language.” And this sentence you wrote inspires me to embody that love this holiday season, even in my weariness from too much food and too many parties and a work life that won’t quit. Thank you for the quiet reminder to stop and savor the beauty of imperfect and at times dysfunctional family relationships that bring such richness to life despite themselves. Thank you Jeff, and I hope you have a lovely Christmas!
I have not seen my parents for almost four years now. I am practically estranged from them, for reasons that had to do with protecting my boundaries and mental health. Recently, I said out loud to my partner that I missed them a lot for the first time. It was good to verbalize the tension I’ve been living in, and to explore what re-engagement might look like at the intersection of grace for them, for myself, and for my partner and kids. Thanks for words that help provide a glimpse into that.
I so appreciate your rich descriptions of your family and hard fought love you share. My family has been in a state of crisis for about a year and a half, with my younger sibling estranged from my parents and older sibling. I’m the only one in communication with everyone, and it’s felt so lonely and impossible. I long for the warmth of kindness and belonging again, and am encouraged toward hope by the tender gifts of care you describe. Maybe my family will get there again. I’m right there with sister Julian trying to find joy in the “shall” while muttering laments about our sin-sick souls. Depravity would be so much simpler without the stubborn truth that God seems unwilling to give up on us. I’d love prayer for my family, and hope it’s okay to extend my prayers for blessing and togetherness for yours as well.
I love the picture of your mom and Fozzy!
I've been thinking a lot about the differences between joy and happiness. Thanks for your thoughts on Joy.
I'm grateful for you, Jeff, and for your words spoken so kindly and intelligently that land in my inbox to brighten my day. I keep you, your family and all those impacted by COVID in my prayers today.
Thank you Jeff. I too read the Atlantic article you referenced, noting the author’s broad characterization of those concerned about transmitting COVID as belonging almost exclusively to the urban managerial upper middle class. I work a front desk job at GRCC and several of my coworkers are quite diligent about wearing masks and insisting that students who enter the building adhere to the mask policy posted on the doors. Hourly paid clerical workers at a community college do not qualify as upper middle class managerial types in my view, but there you go. Anyway, I am more than usually grateful not to suffer from an immunocompromised condition, which would truly make life more difficult and dangerous during this time. The myopic view that “if I am not in danger, then I can do what I want” is a source of real stress for some folks who ARE in need of protection from Covid.
I found his generalizations unhelpful. It's one thing to make observations about the close circles of community around you and entirely another to create these sweeping categories.
Thank you so much. That met me in my soul. ☺️