Some fragmented thoughts on Disneyland, the endurance of difficult love, garlic, the plight of the Chinese Uyghurs, and a whale that might (or might not) be lonely
I like your comments about tolerance--sometimes it helps us through a period of time so we can return to love and full acceptance. As the parent of children who have had struggles as they emerge into full adulthood, sometimes I've had to tolerate phases of life, just so we can get through the period of time into more acceptance. And I DO see the divine in that process
The word "tolerate" always makes me think about teaching diversity classes where we talk about what it's like to be tolerated as opposed to being loved or even respected. But sometimes tolerating someone or something is the best I can do in that place and time. I'm trying to think of tolerance as a place holder; a space in which I can store things while I work on a better understanding and maybe a change of heart and mind regarding each.
Love that tolerates when it can’t celebrate- how can ANYONE disagree with that universal experience??? Especially in this climate, this time, these challenges…politics, screaming voices that want us to agree…or even want us to DISAGREE so as to perpetuate the noise. If we love our neighbors, our friends, our family, our enemies: then we MUST tolerate when our loved ones are looking at the same things we are but seeing things so differently. The neighbor who is an anti-vaxxer; the sister-in-law whose political beliefs are, to me, unbelievable; the best friend who died before we could reconcile what turns out to be a trivial difference…..all call us to celebrate diversity in thought as well as aspect. And it is hard. But I try to recall that my neighbor still stops to check on me; my sister-in-law still texts me with a “love you”; my best friend died knowing how much we both valued our 40+ years of steadfast friendship. As you say, we stumble on together. And you are exactly right: Eeyore is your spirit animal❤️
I thought it was really interesting that you chose to comment on that particular line at the end of your post because it was the line that most stood out to me when I read it. I truly related to it on such a deep level and felt like it was the best expression of an emotion or feeling that I have struggled to describe. I'm going through a deconstruction of my faith and feel a disconnection from my parents and it has been troubling and heartbreaking. They are wonderful people who love God and generally raised me in a happy and mostly healthy home, but they weren't perfect and they did the best they could with the trauma from their own pasts and their own growing process. And so I have my own trauma and issues which I am working with my therapist to process. So the idea of "a love that tolerates when it can't celebrate" hit my heart and my soul in a way that spoke to me and gave words to a feeling I've long felt. Thank you for sharing and for including us in the process.
Jeff, thank you for another illustration of the way tolerance is connected not just to love, but to divine love. You teach me so well! I know people on both political extremes who hate the word, which they associate with "spinelessness," "caving in," or the so-called "doing nothing" in the face of evil. But I think tolerance is essential, especially these days, though it can feel a maddeningly slow and incremental way of being in relationship with people whom one wishes would just wake up and correct their thinking or behavior. To some of these, tolerance is often viewed as the very opposite of care! I love so many of your sentences here, particularly this one, "...a love that says in presence what it can't in words, a love that still insists on showing up...a love that comes from God's own self." A miracle, even! And our hope. Also these thoughts: love manifesting as words not spoken, irritation recognized and tamped down (whoa!), love as self-sacrifice, as the willing acceptance of physical discomfort, for the sake of another person. Because of what I'm reading right now (doing some preparation for a fall study on the 7 Deadly sins) I have before me a chapter about Sloth. It's not mere laziness or a lifestyle of napping and channel-surfing! It's actually a failure to do what love requires and I think it's exactly what you have shown us the opposite of in this piece. In Glittering Vices, Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung heads her chapter on Sloth as "Resistance to the Demands of Love." Your newsletter today helped me to organize some thoughts on this and sparked some needed enthusiasm for the preparation I have to do. I'm so grateful for your storytelling and your willingness to be Eeyore-ish in a public way; this bears good fruit!
I very recently lost my dad and wish we had done more tolerating when we weren’t able to truly celebrate with one another.
Your writing is always so beautiful and soul stirring, Jeff. Thank you as always for sharing with us. I’ve been moved to tears and will be thinking about this piece all day. ❤️
Disney is such a fascinating place--the kind of capitalistic, escapist reality that is created there, that has both everything and nothing to do with actual life, is very revealing. It makes me uncomfortable and so I resist it. But leave it to you to find expressions of messy, real, imperfect relationships among the saccharine happily ever afters, and make it sound really worthwhile, too. Also, let's lobby for more Eeyore in the parks. I'd stand in line for a picture with Eeyore.
I had a strong reaction to the word tolerance, and I’m glad you further developed the idea. Tolerance that allows for connection to remain, rather than sever, can be a blessing at times.
At the same time, I don’t think Hallmark will get to many takers for a card expressing tolerance as an endearment. There is a limit to how much I can tolerate simply being tolerated.
I like your comments about tolerance--sometimes it helps us through a period of time so we can return to love and full acceptance. As the parent of children who have had struggles as they emerge into full adulthood, sometimes I've had to tolerate phases of life, just so we can get through the period of time into more acceptance. And I DO see the divine in that process
The word "tolerate" always makes me think about teaching diversity classes where we talk about what it's like to be tolerated as opposed to being loved or even respected. But sometimes tolerating someone or something is the best I can do in that place and time. I'm trying to think of tolerance as a place holder; a space in which I can store things while I work on a better understanding and maybe a change of heart and mind regarding each.
Love that tolerates when it can’t celebrate- how can ANYONE disagree with that universal experience??? Especially in this climate, this time, these challenges…politics, screaming voices that want us to agree…or even want us to DISAGREE so as to perpetuate the noise. If we love our neighbors, our friends, our family, our enemies: then we MUST tolerate when our loved ones are looking at the same things we are but seeing things so differently. The neighbor who is an anti-vaxxer; the sister-in-law whose political beliefs are, to me, unbelievable; the best friend who died before we could reconcile what turns out to be a trivial difference…..all call us to celebrate diversity in thought as well as aspect. And it is hard. But I try to recall that my neighbor still stops to check on me; my sister-in-law still texts me with a “love you”; my best friend died knowing how much we both valued our 40+ years of steadfast friendship. As you say, we stumble on together. And you are exactly right: Eeyore is your spirit animal❤️
I thought it was really interesting that you chose to comment on that particular line at the end of your post because it was the line that most stood out to me when I read it. I truly related to it on such a deep level and felt like it was the best expression of an emotion or feeling that I have struggled to describe. I'm going through a deconstruction of my faith and feel a disconnection from my parents and it has been troubling and heartbreaking. They are wonderful people who love God and generally raised me in a happy and mostly healthy home, but they weren't perfect and they did the best they could with the trauma from their own pasts and their own growing process. And so I have my own trauma and issues which I am working with my therapist to process. So the idea of "a love that tolerates when it can't celebrate" hit my heart and my soul in a way that spoke to me and gave words to a feeling I've long felt. Thank you for sharing and for including us in the process.
Jeff, thank you for another illustration of the way tolerance is connected not just to love, but to divine love. You teach me so well! I know people on both political extremes who hate the word, which they associate with "spinelessness," "caving in," or the so-called "doing nothing" in the face of evil. But I think tolerance is essential, especially these days, though it can feel a maddeningly slow and incremental way of being in relationship with people whom one wishes would just wake up and correct their thinking or behavior. To some of these, tolerance is often viewed as the very opposite of care! I love so many of your sentences here, particularly this one, "...a love that says in presence what it can't in words, a love that still insists on showing up...a love that comes from God's own self." A miracle, even! And our hope. Also these thoughts: love manifesting as words not spoken, irritation recognized and tamped down (whoa!), love as self-sacrifice, as the willing acceptance of physical discomfort, for the sake of another person. Because of what I'm reading right now (doing some preparation for a fall study on the 7 Deadly sins) I have before me a chapter about Sloth. It's not mere laziness or a lifestyle of napping and channel-surfing! It's actually a failure to do what love requires and I think it's exactly what you have shown us the opposite of in this piece. In Glittering Vices, Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung heads her chapter on Sloth as "Resistance to the Demands of Love." Your newsletter today helped me to organize some thoughts on this and sparked some needed enthusiasm for the preparation I have to do. I'm so grateful for your storytelling and your willingness to be Eeyore-ish in a public way; this bears good fruit!
I very recently lost my dad and wish we had done more tolerating when we weren’t able to truly celebrate with one another.
Your writing is always so beautiful and soul stirring, Jeff. Thank you as always for sharing with us. I’ve been moved to tears and will be thinking about this piece all day. ❤️
Appreciated your thoughtful essay, Jeff, and the tip about the 52 Blue doc. Have you read the beautiful essay about him by Leslie Jamison? Here's the excerpt if you're interested: https://slate.com/technology/2014/08/52-blue-the-loneliest-whale-in-the-world.html
Disney is such a fascinating place--the kind of capitalistic, escapist reality that is created there, that has both everything and nothing to do with actual life, is very revealing. It makes me uncomfortable and so I resist it. But leave it to you to find expressions of messy, real, imperfect relationships among the saccharine happily ever afters, and make it sound really worthwhile, too. Also, let's lobby for more Eeyore in the parks. I'd stand in line for a picture with Eeyore.
I had a strong reaction to the word tolerance, and I’m glad you further developed the idea. Tolerance that allows for connection to remain, rather than sever, can be a blessing at times.
At the same time, I don’t think Hallmark will get to many takers for a card expressing tolerance as an endearment. There is a limit to how much I can tolerate simply being tolerated.